Well...I sit here today on a Friday after work thinking about the whirlwind of a month that it has been. I also think about how I have managed my food, activity, and life. See, addiction feeds off of emotion. When the emotion is out of whack, it is hard to manage the addiction. WLS can also change things up, which I have experienced, cause when the addiction wants you to eat, sometimes the pouch doesnt and wont accept anything in it! So is there some type of a solution to this whole food addiction thing? What has gotten me through everything else this month? Lets back up a bit and fill you in on where I have been.
I got to take a wonderful vacation the last 2 weeks of July. My husband, who is an over the road truck driver, chauffeured me around the country in his truck and had the time of our lives. We logged about 5000 miles and 16 states in that 2 week period of time and I took over 750 pictures. I watched my food as normal, did lots of walking in the truck stops, and managed to not gain or lose any weight. I thought I had lost 5 pounds, but truck stop scales in the bathrooms apparently are not that reliable. I was very grateful to get home and find out, though, that I had maintained. There was no stress, no worry. We had a ball. Got home and started to get back into the swing of life..... and then we got the call....the call that no parent ever wants to have. The call that can change the course of your life.
2 hours after getting home from having some outpatient surgery (had a lump removed from the back of my neck...no, not cancerous...just a lypoma that was growing and needed to come out), my husband called. He had gotten a call from an ER nurse in Springfield MO telling him that our son, who was only 18 (the youngest of our 4 sons), had been in a major car accident, was on his way to CT, but there was no other information. Because of what I do for a living, I called the ER to find out what exactly was going on and to try to be the go-between since hubster was driving. He at the same time was talking to his dispatcher about how to get a load swap so that he could get to Springfield. (He was coming back to AZ from Denver when we got the call). When I called the ER, the nurse told me that our son was out of CT, but waiting on the doctor to see the report. I left my number and asked them to call me as soon as they know something. Not 10 minutes later, hubster called and said he gave verbal consent for emergency surgery, and that they didn't know what all was going on, but there was internal bleeding and he was having a hard time breathing.
My heart exploded into terror. No parent should ever have to face the possibility of losing a child. Once he was out of surgery, the diagnosis included: ruptured and removed spleen, severe grade 4 liver lacerations which had to be packed to control the bleeding, cracked ribs and punctured right lung, and severe bruising of both lungs, bruises to his arms and legs, some road rash on his back, and a scalp laceration. He was on a vent and moved to the Neuro Trauma ICU at Cos South Hospital. Now mind you, as a long term care case manager, my head immediately went to.....long term care! Not knowing the extent of any brain injury really screws with one's thinking cause I was already trying to figure out how we were going to care for him over the long haul...provided he survived. He was listed in extremely critical condition.
I'm not going to detail out the entire 20 days he was in the hospital, but I will tell you that the end of the story, at least at this point, is that he not only survived, he has not exhibited any brain trauma or cognitive impariment, and as of today is recovering at home with his new fiance. Truly, this is God's handiwork! What I am going to share is what happened with my head related to my food addiction.
I wanted to eat....everything in sight! My pouch, on the other hand, would not allow anything in it! Sometimes I get this crazy thing I call "small pouch syndrome" where I try to put something in it and my pouch says "OH HELL NO!" and seemingly closes up to anything in it. I can drink water and I can get in protein shakes (very slowly, thought), but food is a no no. Well, in the beginning of this ordeal, that is where I was. Once I was able to get to Springfield, I knew that I had to eat and the food started to stay in better, but not in the quantities that my head wanted. Thank you restriction! So the end result, after I got home was I did not gain anything while I was there, but my head was in a whirlwind! My head said, I need to eat to calm down, I need something outside of myself to sooth my aching soul.....and I think that one thing that helped me to not cave was the overwhelming need to just stay in the hospital room with him. I prayed....oh how I prayed. I didn't pray for my food addiction to go away...I was too focused on my son....but oh how I prayed. Today I truly believe that God is who saved my son and who has healed him.....and today I am betting that if I give my food addiction to God, just like I did with my alcoholism, just like I did with my son...perhaps, I won't struggle so damn hard with it.
That my friends.....is the thought for the day!
Blessings!
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