Back in the groove

So I've been pretty quiet the last few days...sorry...sometimes life happens and I just dont have time to put anything down on "paper".  Its been a whirlwind of feelings, emotions, thoughts, activity, work, and oh gosh....everything.  So...I'll try to briefly update ya!

I have been attending OA meetings online and have found a sponsor to work with.  It has really become evident to me that my thoughts and feelings are what gets me in trouble and I use food as a way to cope rather than use other tools, that I have had for years, but always just used those tools in regards to my recovery from alcoholism.  I am 14 days into my abstinence and I have to say that it has only been in the last couple of days that my head has not been focused on food all day long!  Now I know that OA is not the way for everyone and I'm not going to sit here and tell you that you HAVE to use OA to recover from compulsive overeating and/or food addiction, but this is what is working for me.  I am finding some of the "why's" that explain my food behavior and I'm grateful for that.  To date, I have lost 4 pounds in the last 14 days.

I've had lots of changes happening at work and have had a huge, did I say HUGE, success at work on a project that I have been developing for the last 3 years.  Almost feels like I have birthed a baby....its been a long time in the "baking" and when things finally fell into place and happened last week, the sense of accomplishment was incredible.  With the first success under my belt, I'm already looking at #2.  <No, I'm not going to go into great detail here as I dont want to jeopardize my job, but those of you who know what I have been working on know how big this is to me and ultimately to those who's lives are impacted by this project.  Those of you who don't know...let me just say that I get to be on the ground floor of a program that is making a tremendous impact in the lives of others and it is ALL GOOD!!>

Kids are all doing well.  My son who was in the accident has one more surgery this week to remove the rest of the plastic tubing that is hanging out of him.  Talk about major miracle!!  We are so grateful to God for the miracle of his recovery.  Other kids are doing well and we are on the brink of a couple of major birthdays.  One grandbaby will be 2 on Thanksgiving Day and another will be 1 on December 28th.  God I love being a Nana!

Ok...gonna go.  Have been dealing with some major hip/back pain lately and am trying to take better care of myself.  There are things on the brink over the next few weeks that may be life changers, so if you are so inclined, please keep me in positive thought.

Thought I would also just publish a quick yummo recipe every now and then so you see what I do at times.  This is a protein shake that was inspired by a latte I got when I was traveling with Ray last summer.

Kyle's Huckelberry Heaven Protein Shake
2 scoops vanilla protein powder
2 oz SF white chocolate syrup
2 oz SF salted caramel syrup
3 oz SF huckelberry syrup

Shake like crazy and pour over ice.  MMMMMMMM.....syrup amounts can vary depending on your own taste.

Alright....you all be good to eachother...and yourselves.
Blessings
Kyle

BAM---IN MY FACE!

So, I had a great weekend...did you?  I got to go to Tucson and spend time with some fellowship friends and be of service.  It is one of the things that I am so grateful that I "get" to do now days.  If I were drinking, drugging, or otherwise engaging in massively horrible things, I wouldn't be alive to "get" to do this stuff....hence why I love that I "get" to do these trips and spend time being of service to others.

Got home on Sunday evening, tired and tired could be.  Got something to eat and went to bed.  Woke up this morning and BAM...FOOD ADDICTION IN MY FACE!.  Wow!  I thought about the "sneaky eating" I did over the weekend and all the trigger foods I have in my house and OMG....my head about exploded!  I just joined (was invited by a sweet friend who is just the best) a facebook group that is forming that is full of food addicted folks who are involved with OA (Overeaters Anonymous).  Now, I have done OA in the past and I guess i wasnt ready cause all I heard was "dont eat this and dont eat that" and I said "dont need you" and left.  (Several years ago!).  However, today...I need help.  I am facing some stuff that I never thought I would ever be able to face.  Maybe it is because I now am trusting in God like never before...cause I cannot do this without his help!

So...what have I done?  I have thrown out what I know is my trigger foods.  I have attended 1 OA online meeting and will be attending another soon.  I emailed the online group's intergroup and requested a sponsor list.  I have ordered the OA literature (They have some of their own and they use AA literature as well, which I have).  I know how this works from the AA standpoint....but I know that I cannot do this on my own.  So....I have less than 24 hours of abstinence.  I'm scared as hell!

Blessings
Kyle

BMR, RMR, BMI....and a partridge in a pear tree....

So...I saw an article in one of the online sites I use to track my food and such (LoseIt...I signed up for that one through a work challenge that I am starting) and read about Basal Metabolic Rate and that in order to lose weight, one needs to at least eat enough calories to meet that BMR because eating lower than that will throw your body into starvation mode.  Well, I know that not eating enough will do that but when I did the calculator, I about fell over!  I'll show you why:

Calculator Status:

Calculator:  BMR & RMR Next:  Make another calculation or click on Calculators.

 BMR & RMR Results:

The results of your calculations are:  BMR 1,627   RMR 1,564 (calories)

For an explanation of BMR and RMR and important notes on the accuracy of these calculations, see Calculating BMR and RMR. We also explain why RMR is likely to be more appropriate for your needs.

As BMR and RMR only represent resting energy expenditure or calories burned during a day of rest, an adjustment must be made to reflect activity level. This can be done by multiplying by an activity factor:

Factor    Category                Definition                               BMR      RMR   1.2 Sedentary Little or no exercise and desk 1,952 1,877 job 1.375 Lightly Active Light exercise or sports 1-3 2,237 2,151 days a week 1.55 Moderately Active Moderate exercise or sports 2,522 2,424 3-5 days a week 1.725 Very Active Hard exercise or sports 6-7 2,807 2,698 days a week 1.9 Extremely Active Hard daily exercise or sports 3,091 2,972 and physical job Source: http://www.caloriesperhour.com/index_burn.php Um....OH MY GOD!!! How in Gods name am I going to eat THAT much food!  I know that at pre-surgery I could eat that no sweat....and I wasn't sweating, therefore intake lots, expend little....gain weight.  BUT, now I usually get in 1200 or so calories and that apparently is below my BMR and RMR.....so is my body in starvation mode??  Could even my exercise with the lower calorie amount keep me somewhat in starvation mode, thereby keeping me from actually losing my regain weight??  Could it truly be as simple as making different food choices to increase the calorie count in order to get my body to respond the way I want it to? So that is what my head went into when I first saw these stats.  After chewing on this for a couple of days and getting some much needed advice from others in my WLS world, I have come to realize that it truly is the QUALITY of the food and not the QUANTITY of the food that is at stake here.  Add a little avacado....cook with higher quality oil....all that stuff that "they" teach us, really is what needs to happen....not what my food addicted head says. (I heard muffins, cookies, chocolate...those could up the calorie count!). Well....here we go....doing some more research.  I'm curious what others out there have experienced.  Have you had your BMR/RMR tested?  What do you think?? Blessings! Kyle

Back to Basics and Blog Support

Just a quick post to let folks know that I am going to be starting a new challenge on Facebook called The Back to Basics-Transformation Academy.  It is a 40 day challenge that helps to really get folks back to the basics of what they need to do to regain healthy habits.  It is not a mandated "you must eat this" site, but it really helps with accountability.  My hope is to use this blog as sort of a journal of that journey, as well as an education piece to help share recovery.  As you have already seen, I have had ups and downs, especially in the last few weeks....but this is what life is all about.  Recovery is the process of dealing with those ups and downs without using whatever I am addicted to in order to cope.  I have really learned how to not use alcohol and other drugs, but food has been my biggest battle.  So, I'm doing some thing different and hope that my journey helps others.

I have started to work on listing companies that I have supported and that have supported me along my journey.  If you are so inclined to click on those links and support those companies, I will earn a small commission for the sale.  I have decided that this is going to help me fund my desire to have plastic surgery at some point-provided I get to the plastic surgeon's goal weight that is required for me to get to have plastics.  Any support is greatly appreciated.  If you dont want to...or you already support another blogger...by all means, continue what you do.

Blessings!
Kyle

Food Addiction Education

How about a little education about Food Addiction.  Something that I find very helpful when following blogs is the education that I get.  Sometimes it is hard to find credible information, so I will try to make sure that everything I post I vet to ensure it is accurate. I found this on WebMD and it is a pretty good article.

The idea that a person can be addicted to food has recently gotten more support from science.

Experiments in animals and humans show that, for some people, the same reward and pleasure centers of the brain that are triggered by addictive drugs like cocaineand heroin are also activated by food, especially highly palatable foods. Highly palatable foods are foods rich in:

• Sugar
• Fat
• Salt

Like addictive drugs, highly palatable foods trigger feel-good brain chemicals such as dopamine. Once people experience pleasure associated with increased dopamine transmission in the brain's reward pathway from eating certain foods, they quickly feel the need to eat again.

The reward signals from highly palatable foods may override other signals of fullness and satisfaction. As a result, people keep eating, even when they're not hungry.

People who show signs of food addiction may also develop a tolerance to food. They eat more and more, only to find that food satisfies them less and less.

Scientists believe that food addiction may play an important role in obesity. But normal-weight people may also struggle with food addiction. Their bodies may simply be genetically programmed to better handle the extra calories they take in. Or they may increase their physical activity to compensate for overeating.

People who are addicted to food will continue to eat despite negative consequences, such as weight gain or damaged relationships. And like people who are addicted to drugs or gambling, people who are addicted to food will have trouble stopping their behavior, even if they want to or have tried many times to cut back.

Signs of Food Addiction

Researchers at Yale University's Rudd Center for Food Science & Policy have developed a questionnaire to identify people with food addictions.

Here's a sample of questions that can help determine if you have a food addiction. Do these actions apply to you? Do you:

• End up eating more than planned when you start eating certain foods
• Keep eating certain foods even if you're no longer hungry
• Eat to the point of feeling ill
• Worry about not eating certain types of foods or worry about cutting down on certain types of foods
• When certain foods aren't available, go out of your way to obtain them

The questionnaire also asks about the impact of your relationship with food on your personal life. Do these situations apply to you:

• You eat certain foods so often or in such large amounts that you start eating food instead of working, spending time with the family, or doing recreational activities.
• You avoid professional or social situations where certain foods are available because of fear of overeating.
• You have problems functioning effectively at your job or school because of food and eating.

The questionnaire asks about withdrawal symptoms. For example, when you cut down on certain foods (excluding caffeinated beverages), do you have symptoms such as:

• Anxiety
• Agitation
• Other physical symptoms

The questionnaire also tries to gauge the impact of food decisions on your emotions. Do these situations apply to you?

• Eating food causes problems such as depression, anxiety, self-loathing, or guilt.
• You need to eat more and more food to reduce negative emotions or increase pleasure.
• Eating the same amount of food doesn't reduce negative emotions or increase pleasure the way it used to.

  Help for Food Addiction

  Science is still working to understand and find treatments for food addiction.
  Some argue that recovery from food addiction may be more complicated than recovery from other kinds of addictions. Alcoholics, for example, can ultimately abstain from drinking alcohol. But people who are addicted to food still need to eat.
  A nutritionist, psychologist, or doctor who is educated about food addiction may be able to help you break the cycle of compulsive eating.
  There are also a growing number of programs that help people who are addicted to food. Some, like Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous, are based on the 12-step program that has helped many people addicted to alcohol, drugs, or gambling.
  Others, like Food Addicts Anonymous, use the principles of the 12-step program along with strict diets that require people to abstain from problem ingredients, like sugar, refined flour, and wheat.
  Source:  http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/mental-health-food-addiction

My head...the Enemy!

Here is what I know:

1.  I have come a long way since I got sober 21+ years ago.
2.  I have come a long way since I had my surgery almost 4 years ago.
3.  While I never made it to "my" WLS goal, I have lost 75+ pounds. (Surgeon never gave me a # to hit).
4.  I no longer have diabetes, sleep apnea, high cholesterol, high blood pressure.
5.  My rings had to be resized once already, and may have to resize them again.
6.  I still go to the "big girls" section in stores and have to remind myself that those sizes are too big!
7.  My shoe size went from 9 to 7.5/8, depending on the shoe.
8.  My husband can pick me up!
9.  I know that all of this makes me a successful WLS patient.
10.  My head still tells me I'm a failure cause I never made it to "my" goal...even when the surgeon tells me that I am one of his success stories.

My Head is my Enemy!!

So...what needs to happen here?  My head needs an adjustment!!!  WLS is NOT a quick fix nor the easy way to reduce body weight.  Anyone who tries to tell me that it was the easy way out, I literally want to just give them a whack!  Having surgery is NEVER easy and this is major surgery that is full of risk.  Yes, in the beginning, the weight literally falls off.  Every single day I got on the scale and celebrated the pounds that were just melting away.  But over time, the scale slows down and eventually, for me....stopped, and then started to go back up.  The "honeymoon" period ended and I realized that, while I had made many changes in my life related to the surgery, and had learned a great deal....my BRAIN was still my enemy.  My brain will tell me that "one bite wont hurt", and "just a little"....when the addiction will then kick in and I can't stop.  Ever eat only ONE red vine??  Me neither!

SO.....what do I have to do in order to continue to recover from this?  Take it a day at a time!  My sober sisters wrote up some affirmations for me a few months ago and I need to read them again.  I need to remember that the number on the scale does not define me.  I need to remember that I dont have to take insulin, or a handful of prescribed medications (just a handful of vitamins!).  I need to remember that different sizes of clothes are related to the cut and style of the item, not my worth.  I need to remember that if God brings me to it...God will bring me through it.  I learned that in a huge way this month...I need to never forget it.

What do you struggle with?  What does your addiction tell you?  How do you find YOUR solutions?
Blessings!

Products that I Use in my Journey

There are tons of blogs and websites out there that have gobs of lists of products and companies that provide WLS friendly things from vitamins to bars to protein powder to cereal and everything in between.  I do support lots of those companies, so once I get it figured out, I'm going to have another page on here with links to those companies and may even give some product reviews.  Stay tuned....